I’ll do it for you.”“Thanks.”I went to my room and changed the combination on the box that my journal was in. I hated doing that, but I really... didn’t have much choice. I called the University of Chicago and talked to someone in Student Services who gave me the name of a couple of large rental companies that I should talk to when I was in Chicago. I made reservations for the trip, deciding to leave on the morning of the 23rd and come home on the 29th. Katt had given me a special code for. The reality was that I wasn't family, and I wasn't the boyfriend, so I was just an outsider. I realized that the only thing that I could do was to wait for the funeral, and then go home. That was about it.During my visit, I stayed at Doug's house, and really didn't do much. Doug and Jill gave me many hugs. When Marion and Paul stopped by, I got more hugs. Beth came, and brought Mary. I could cry on Beth's shoulder, but she knew I'd step up and be a big boy around Mary. I think Beth told her. I needed more than a superficial affirmation of my femininity. I needed contact with another person.I watched one woman come into the bar. She looked athletic and slightly gay. She had shorter hair, jeans and a tee shirt, too many earrings and rings. She had very little makeup on but was a real beauty. While her clothes hid her figure, it was obvious that she was sexy.She took a seat allowing me to look her over carefully. After she ordered her drink, she looked around the bar and smiled at me.. (Hey -- do gay guys do it in the Biblical Sense?)Once again that evening, the four of us made a pretty joyful group, and the loud laughter coming from our table probably annoyed some of the other customers. Why is it that sometimes, other people having a good time can be so annoying? I've felt the same way, on occasion -- vaguely resentful of the happy group at the next table over. Why are those people having more fun than I am?Tonight, though, we were being the annoying ones.Ford picked up.