I want you to fuck me before midnight. I want you to be my birthday present.” She pauses, takes a breath and fixes me with her hazel eyes. “It’s... eleven fifteen so if you want me you had better take me upstairs now.” She climbs out of my car. I sit there in a daze and watch her ‘sprayed on’ jeans sway towards the lift. Before the doors open I’m beside her taking her arm and leading the way. She looks up to me and smiles. Holding Sam tight I take her key and open the door. She slams it closed and. . or two?13. What do we want? Low flying airplane noises! When do we want them? NNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW.14. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.15. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.16. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.17. So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.18. How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.19. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a. . “Really” I replied as her gaze went back to my cock sticking out of my shorts, she slowly got up off her chair and looking me in the eye and biting her lip she stepped towards me getting on her knees in front of me, she reached forward putting her fingers into the waistband of my shorts, “Let the dog see the rabbit” she said as she slowly and carefully removed my boxers, I opened my legs giving her full access and watched her eyes light up as she surveyed what was in front of her.“I think. . You're the enemy which can't be fought. Can't be defeated. Can't be negotiated with nor bribed, blackmailed, or beguiled away from your mindless mission. That's right, you're Paris Hilton and proof that Darwin isn't quite as smart as he thought he was. It isn't all in the genes, after all ... I blame your parents and the television set that raised you.Coming to a porn site and crying foul? I dunno, maybe the stories found here will someday be found in the Cotton Falls Public Library, right.