On days like this I would think to myself, “I should find a girl to actually do this to me. I need to find out what it actually feels like to have s...omeone else in control.” I had a website saved where I had in the past bought dvds and the other small toys. I would get extremely horny watching these videos and go to the site. I would scan through the pictures of strap-on dildos they had for sale. But as soon as I found one I was interested in, I would come to my senses and close the page without. “Yeah, the kissing was great, but that’s not what I meant.”“Oh,” was all I could conjure up to say at the moment. Heat wasn’t the only thing rising at that moment. Then I saw the clock on the wall behind her. “Shit, I’ve got to go on rounds real quick. Do you want to wait here? Or do you want to brave the elements and walk with me?”Without hesitation, she threw the hood of her parka over her head, grabbed her books and said, “Let’s go; we don’t want you getting in trouble.”The college library. Mingled but not touching, much like their life had become. ‘I’m leaving you…….’ Stepping over his cold dead body lying on the floor, the red river of life that had drained out of him onto the clean and pristine cream carpet, she walked over to the open doors and reached in to straighten the half removed suit back onto its hanger. Smoothing her hand, the one without the familiar gold band, the one with the specks of blood upon it, she felt the soft smooth fabric, the dark blue mohair so supple. They were really nice to me and treated me well, like they always did. But it was a hard time for all of us. At first I thought it would be too hard to sleep in Laurie's room ? too sad. But in reality I found it somewhat comforting, especially since I knew she wanted me to. I was very careful not to change or move a thing from her room.For some reason I forgot to look at the file on her computer for a few days. The funeral was held a few days after the fire. They made a joint funeral for all.