Mrs. G. I want you to help me getting better at dating,’ I said sounding nervously. All of this was just bullshit as I over the last couple of years... had developed quite a reputation at my school as a ladies’ man and all my dates were really satisfied with my dating skills. But I thought that once I got Carmen on a date with me, I could easily win her over so she would want me as much as I wanted her. ‘Oh, Ryan. I had no idea you had this kind of trouble. But Ryan I can’t go on a date with you.. "Oh Toby, that feels so good." Erika, give me a minute to catch my breath," and I sat down to sip my beer and work out my next move. She stood in front of me like the statue of Venus de Milo, only she had arms as graceful as a ballet dancer's."It's warm in here," I suggested. "Maybe you should take off your sweater before you suffocate."She smiled, turned her back to me, then said, "I don't have a blouse under it, dear, but perhaps you're right. It's awfully warm in here." She unbuttoned her. It was part of the growing up tradition. Our fathers had gone through this and our brothers did it also.After the young men undressed, the white skin reflected the little light that went through the planks. Sometimes you would recognize someone before you engaged. Other times it was quite anonymous. Families mixed with families. That night my older brother Johnny came with me. There were about 10 boys there already. Immediately after I undressed, I tumbled on the hay with a young man I thought. Even if I could carry off thelook, the whole thing would feel preposterous. Floundering in a sea ofuncomfortable thoughts and emotions, I had to try to get to the bottomof this."But why does grandma want me..." I could hardly complete thesentence."She misses Emma. I think she wants to see if she can recreate her -or at least to see if you can be made to look like her. It's the whimof a lonely old woman."My grandmother didn't seem lonely or frail to me and I said so."She's been lonely since.