But even without that, I can't. I just can't think of anybody like that. I'm terrified every time I think of sex. It will hurt, and I'll be afraid and... I don't think it will ever be beautiful again. But if I ever do it again, I would love the first time to be with you. If you could..." She couldn't go any further. I held her tight. I needed to do some corrections here.Before I could say anything to her, I 'felt', for lack of a better term, a white light in my mind. I suddenly knew that I had. “Look at how you came out. You made a dollar a hundredweight on all the Kansas cattle, plus you sold your herds down except for breeding stock. You got two dollars over market for them. The way I figure, with what Don shipped and what you shipped from Crow Ridge and the dollar a hundredweight you made off the Kansas cattle, you’ll top out well over five million all told.”“Howard, I still say I owe you, my friend. That was one hell of a deal you put together.”“I’ll think of something to get it. So I unzip and fish my dick out through the opening and like a good girl she dropped to her knees and her head started bobbing. About 5 minutes into I realize something - either her sex tales from our AFF conversation were false or she had never dealt with something my size (I know I'm not huge). So being the ingenuitive guy that I am, I stand up and ask where's her bedroom at. It's at this point she became a little nervous, so I try and soothe her with some kisses and playing with her. I want to talk with you now about your shortcomings."Mom exclaimed, "MY shortcomings! This isn't about me, this is about Carol's meltdown and Mark's wanting to play around with other girls."Vanessa disagreed, "First, Carol didn't 'meltdown', she served Mark to the best of her ability. It's not her fault that her conflict resolution abilities are so stunted. Carol behaved commendably and I've already kissed her on the cheek and praised her. When you've thanked and praised her that issue will be.