I look out as the float passes and she sees me. She gets a different smile on her face and then she kisses her hand and blows it in my direction.Oh c...rap if people see that if anyone puts it together I am dead.“Hey man did you see she blew a kiss this way. Wonder if she has a fellow over here. He better start to run before her old man sees him.”I smile at her and then back up. I slowly move away and make my way home as quickly as possible. This was not a good day. I no long look for her in. Smith first out of fear of pissing off the most powerful man in the area.Before your older van reaches the driveway the road is already full of parked (nice) cars. You see parking stickers from Woocott Institute and Johnson College. Apparently this is a Smith family party as Jon's older sister is a freshman at Woocott and his 22 year old brother goes to Johnson (both small and expensive nearby private colleges). If it wasn't so old your van would fit in as it has parking stickers from both. Holy fuck—it was Jinney. Wonder if her boyfriend has been bad again and needed some disaplin, or maybe Jinney was sneaking out to get another dose of Taz 10” dick. So there's a couple of toots of the horn, and I trot over to the car. The door pops open, just like the first time. (I think she had a hitchhiker fetish). I jumps in the car and close the door, then look over, smiling. Oh shit---it ain't Jinney. It's Ron, her boyfriend. And Im staring down the barrel of a 9mm. I swallow hard, without. And then he was gone … a quick good-bye, a simple reminder of what I was and the deadly kiss of love that I had killed with my insecurities. I kept waiting for him to end my punishment and to return to me, yank me by my hair, punish me and chain me to the foot of his couch. But it never came. My wishful thinking turned to despair when I realized that it was over, that he had indeed kept his promise and would not be contacting me again. I was released. I was nothing. My whole existence, my.