I wilt beneath the intensity of his gaze, looking away. My mother sat demurely next to me in a dark jilbab and a colorful shaylah covering her head. S...he was a proper Muslim woman. Unlike me.I felt the tears running down my eyes as I shamefully remembered how amazing being with Lucy had been. Why couldn't I have just died? It would have been so much easier than having to live with this crushing guilt and the hatred burning in my father's eyes."That girl was here," my father barked in Arabic.. He must be gay. I remember the day I said that out aloud in front of him. Jake laughed so hard. His bestie Max was the gay one as well as the person who picked out Jake’s outfits.“So why haven’t you asked me out?”“I’ve only known you two weeks.”His argument was so cute. Normally guys are asking me out after two minutes. Jake was a sweet guy who wanted to get to know me first. So I asked him out. He was very clear from the beginning that he would only move as fast or slow as I wanted. It was. Tuesday night, as the week before, my husband asked me if it was ok for him to go and have a few beers with his pals, John and Peter, I told him it was ok, that I'd call over to my friend and have a glass of wine or two, he had a shower and dolled himself up, he smelled like a fucking perfume factory when he came out of the shower, this was no few beers with the boys I thought to myself, but said nothing, off he went, and I phoned my friend to come collect me in her car, we were like to private. Tina closes her eyes but doesn't move, doesn't protest. I finally lean in to give her a kiss. I get barely a breath away from her soft full lips when she senses my move and backs away quickly."I'm sorry." I say.Her only reply is to hold my hand over her breast. It fits neatly in my palm. A perfect size at the time for my hand even though just a short time later it would get much bigger I always remember when it fit neatly in my hand. I continue to rub her breasts, knowing now that kissing is.