Maybe the head nurse was right. Millie was too far gone, and there were so many more reachable ones to visit that night. Past experience had taught me... that I could not get to all of them, no matter how hard I tried. Somehow the spirit of a thousand Santas compelled me to persevere, and kneel at Millie’s feet. Taking her frail hand in mine, and looking her straight into the eye, I said, ‘Millie, Santa has come all the way from the North Pole just to wish you a Merry Christmas, and give you this. I told her yes and did she discuss with her how she would pose and if she would be fine with it. Marilyn said yes but her friend might need me to go slowly as she had never posed before. The majority of the women ive shot were widowed, divorced or never married. Maybe a third are married and need the thrill and the easy money, i usually pay $500.00 foe the photos and the release form giving me the right to publish them. I called Margaret in a day or two and had a pleasant conversation and she. "Do you have any of the Chianti left?" "I don't know, I'll have a look in the storeroom" Five minutes or so passed, then I heard "there is one bottle but I can't reach it, could you help me?" I walked into the storeroom, to the left there was a separate cupboard filled with alcohol, I walked in, she had her back to me the bottle was above her head, as I put my hand out to reach for it I could smell her perfume, I could feel her press herself against me, I moved her hair, exposing the back of. ‘There’s nothing to forgive, and you’re carrying more guilt than I ever wanted you to. But I still…I still want to hear you moan, Amanda. I still need that. Do you understand?’ She says softly ‘Yes.’ ‘I’m also getting angry at myself that you suffered for any amount of time thinking of touching me. I’d like to fix that. I’d also like to apologize for thrusting myself into your life, causing you pain. I’d love to say that I will apologize for thrusting into your body and probably causing you.