* A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing i...s piling up!"* I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."* My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to. I need them to go out and hire the best looking prostitute they can find; someone who can pass as a live-in home-helper for Ewan. If you want to be really clever, figure out what sort of girls he prefers and find someone that fully services his needs. You get what I mean?”He laughed in reply. “You are indeed a good and benevolent boss. Leave it to me.”We got home on Tuesday evening, and on Wednesday morning I called RAF Lyneham to tell them I would be absent due to a family emergency. Instead,. Now I could see exactly how hard the nipple was and as I pinched it gently between my thumb and forefinger, Hazel herself completed the removal of her bra and now both nipples were on full view and begging for attention. Attention, I wasn’t slow to give them.While the fingers of my right hand continued to work on Hazel’s one nipple, I lowered my face towards the vacant one and she groaned softly as my lips neared it and she felt my hot breath on it. I paused for a moment, blowing softly on the. I told her I didn’t have any money and besides she still owed me money. The brazen bitch then asked for a beer! I gave her a beer and told her to have a nice day. Big mistake!She had found a new friend and knocked on the door the next day, first wanting a loan and then asking for a beer. I lied to her and told her I was out of beer and money. For the next two days I avoided answering the door and wished that she would go away. She didn’t.On the third day I was off of work and bought.