Dammit! As I stood there, admiring her beauty, a plan began to form in my mind. While I seemed uncertain where I needed to go with this whole situatio...n, she always seemed to know exactly what it was she wanted to do. Also, there was that odd comment that she’d made to me the last time she had me in her power. She’d told me, just before she left that night, that she loved me, more than I’d ever known! What was the deal with that? I needed answers now, as much as I sensed I needed her in my life. I liked her, she was a good looking woman who was capable of looking good in a short dress or skirt. In fact all her friends were nice looking and seemed friendly. They are all fun to talk to. It was nice to talk to a woman without a lot of arguing about how bad I was.On one red eye trip to Atlantic City, that was a one day trip, we spent time together. On the way home we sat together and they dimmed the lights on the bus. Most passengers liked to sleep coming back.She put a blanket over our. So when my mom told meI had to get a haircut I explained my thoughts to her.So, when I was going to get my summer buzz cut at the beginning of thesummer I didn't. By the beginning of the summer, my hair was coveringboth my ears easily. School starts after this weekend, and my hair ismuch longer past my shoulders now.Anyway, I was going to the park the Friday before school started and noone was there when I got there so I just got on one of the swings andstarted to pump my feet as hard as I. Ich habe mein Leben veraendert. Heute ist es mir unerklaerlich, wie ich damals den Mut dafuer habe aufbringen koennen. Meine Therapeutin sagte mal, mein innerer Schmerz waere zu jener Zeit so gross gewesen, dass ich dadurch die Angst vor diesem zu erwartenden koerperlichen Schmerz nicht mehr als beaengstigend empfunden haette. Mag schon sein.Meine "Selbstbehandlung" ging uebrigens fast schief. Aber, waere sie schief gegangen, waere sie eigentlich auch gut verlaufen. Mir ist erzaehlt worden,.