."Louise interrupted, "Nah, I don't think so because she kicked ass and took names..."I began to cry and confessed, "Louise, I know that she was terri...fied, because I am the woman on the news."Linda saw me crying so she began to cry. Louise rushed over to me (with Linda in her arms) hugged me and said, "Masha! Stop crying, I am so proud of you. Some of my friends on a different bus were attacked by those teenagers..."I interrupted, " ... Louise, we need to discuss this because my foolishness. “I have,” she stammered, “some journals, you know. Hm, here,” she opened a drawer in her little table besides the bed.She showed me 4 or 6 porno-journals: “I bought it in Danmark,”“You don’t need to be ashamed”, I said, “I have some too!”.“But as a woman!?”“It doesn’t matter.”She opened a journal and said: “Here look, he is pumping her, and here, look, she is peeing on him, and here eight men are spurting on a woman. That I would never do, but look, she is completely covered with cum, from her. Initially, I was disappointed. I didn't mind though. I was a little bit more accepted than I had been before. Three weeks later, I got a surprise. We went shopping and my mom got an extra box of tampons, and a box of pads. "It's that time of month again," she said to me. When we got home I changed.It continued this way for a few months. When school started, I was grateful that I only had to wear panties to school when I was on my period (in addition to the usual tampon and pad). When I was at. Instead, a sense of smooth well-being swept over me and I had an urge to take another shot for good measure. Of course, I didn’t do it because I was still only desperate and not crazy like some of those renegade Indians jumping the so-called reservation to murder and mutilate the mostly defenseless settlers out on the open range.I shoved the hankies into the coals of the burning wood fire in the heating stove in the corner and watched them disappear as if by magic from the intense blue.