Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the desire to create an...d bring laughter to others. I can't bring myself to want anything, to hope or even love.I don't deserve love anyway, not even love for myself. I did a horrible thing to someone else and deserve to suffer for it. Coincidentally, I've found a perfect way to do that. Sexual humiliation has become something I am rather good at taking and being used. Yes, if any of her co-workers could have peeked in on those daydreams ofhers they surely would have asked her why didn't she make all the colorslight and happy. Why didn't she create the most perfect pain freechildhood this side of a 50's sit-com or straight from the pages of thebest fairy tale she'd ever read? And if Jenny would have answered, she would have smiled at them withthose sparkling blue eyes and said that she didn't want the perfectlittle girl's body, or the perfect childhood or the. I stopped eating, stopped doing really anything until my daughter came back from her grandparents house one evening. She went to visit them in the summer; my wife died while she was gone. My parents already explained how "Mommy drank too much apple juice one night, and she went into the wrong side of the road, and was hit by a big truck. But she is with the angels now," they told her. "She was in a happier place." And she beilieved it. Economy was rough, society was brutal; I could hardly take. Alex said she would be repaired and look as good as new in a few weeks. Captain Letrah put her paw like hand on my shoulder. “If they don’t make you captain, you come to us.”Alex smiled and nodded. “You can change your mind right now and I promise you the command of a ship in a few years.”“I thank you both and if the Union Fleet thing isn’t working out I might come back to that offer, but I have already signed up with them and I don’t like backing out on a commitment I made.”The feline Captain.