Her actionsseemed to be directed by some remote intelligence that knew what sheneeded better than she did herself. She could never have consciously do...nesomething as potentially dangerous as that herself.What an odd way to live a life, Marcia thought. She wondered if otherpeople didn't also live at least some part of their lives in a similarfashion, with or without realizing it. Perhaps the difference was that, inretrospect, they took more credit (or blame)--rightly or wrongly--fortheir actions,. But Saturday morning Vicky and I went to Fort Smith to feed the prisoners and to deliver Balthazar’s letter to his father and to help clean them up.Robert had run it through the translator and Abra had read it to me. I was satisfied that there was nothing damaging in it.“I see you had funerals for your dead yesterday. A true pity you were not among them; not that we did not try,” he said. There was a TV in the medical building that was locked onto ZNN; they were there broadcasting. I pushed myself to the limit each time. All too soon tryouts for the Lacrosse team were upon me and I survived the first cut but the all important final selection was at the end of the week. On Friday, the roster was posted on the bulletin board and I scanned the list in vain, my name was conspicuously absent. Thanks to Beth’s training regimen, I was on my way to being in the best physical condition of my life but at the time it was a matter of too little, too late. Of course I made a bee. The others laughed now too, easing the tension.I'd said it partly because the second beer had loosened me up and partly because I, too, was dating an off-campus boyfriend and was starting to feel the horniness coming on. Last semester, I cheated on my boyfriend, it had gotten that bad. I don't feel great about that, even now that we've been broken up, but sometimes a girl just needs a dick.This semester, we had decided to have an open relationship until we graduated and were home together.