I hate myself for making my father detests and loathes me. It disgusts me that I have made my own father hates to even touch me or look at me. I blame... myself and nobody else for the grave horrible mistake that I have made. I simply sit on the floor and cry for God knows how long. I feel awful. I wipe the tears from my face and slowly stand up. I feel so miserable. I take my time as I walk up the stairs thinking how can I stand living in the same house with Daddy if I crave for him, for his body. My head rested on the table in front of me, mainly because I couldn’t even lift it at that point. Without telling me, he picked up the huge stiff black toy, and prepared to entertain me a little more. I hardly noticed when he rubbed the head around my pussy, but I became aware soon enough. He began pushing it in, and there was no real resistance coming from my spent pussy. In no time, he buried the black monster to the hilt, with only the black handle showing. He gripped that fancy handle. To tell her where he was suddenly seemed the most important thing in the world. My uncle answered the phone. I heard but didn’t hear my uncle telling me to get to the hospital. That mom had been attacked and they had her in the E.R. and were trying to keep her alive. I didn’t focus on what he was saying because I was looking at my dad, in that hated blood red velvet Santa suit. He had walked to the center of the Christmas village and was looking around at all the shopping mothers, happy. John sent him away to rehab in Minnesota and for a year Roland wasout of contact with everyone that he knew. He wasn't able to leave untilthe year was up, not even for the funeral of their mother or for visitsfrom family to check up on his progress.As part of his release, Roland was forbidden from ever associating withhis former colleagues. This was a problem for Roland as he immediately gotinvolved with Felix to get his money so he could pay Victoria her cut ofthe profits and settle his older.