’ ‘You can’t possibly see anything in a fat old wreck. Go play with someone your own age.’ ‘It isn’t what I see, it’s what I get. First ...I get, then I see.’ She moved closer, smelling of good soap, organic shampoo and a healthy young life. ‘Mmm,’ she said, ‘Canoe. I like Canoe.’ ‘So does Charlotte,’ I said. ‘I guessed she would. She seems like a nice lady.’ ‘It was wonderful before her change-of-life. Now I have the memories, and some of them hurt.’ ‘I can make the hurt stop for a while. My. I decided in my head that if either of us was going to get this girl it would be me. This was the plan, a year later and I still hadn’t done anything. I still fancied her uncontrollably but she had now been put in my ‘friend zone.’ I was pretty sure nothing was going to happen from that point onwards. It was a still night in autumn and we were all watching a film at Jess’ house. By the time the film was over it was fairly late so we decided to stay over for the night. As soon as this decision. ”I smiled and said, “A good idea? As in you want to? Or as in something to think about? No pressure, I’m just making sure we’re totally on the same page here. The last thing I want to do is have either one of us do something we’ll regret. And frankly, that’s my concern at the moment for me.”She looked at me intently, “Wait, you are afraid of that? You’re a guy. Guys will do it with pretty much any girl who offers!”I smiled again and said, “Well, I think Birgit told you that I’m not just ‘any. The voice of the cock’s owner.“The paper bag isn’t because you’re ugly,” he says, in a tone as though I should take it as a compliment. “It’s because I don’t care what you look like. Don’t care who you are when you’re not with me. And you don’t need to see right now. You need to only focus on one thing.”His voice is a constant, low rumbling in my ears. A litany of degradation that stings even more because it’s not vicious. It’s calm and quiet and matter of fact. It’s the tone of plain.